Core Qualities of Mentally Strong Kids

We all want to boost our kid's mental health, and by practicing resiliency, empowerment, accountability, adaptability, and boundary-setting in our daily lives, we're building a sturdy base of wellness for our kids. This foundation arms them with the strength to not only stand up to life's challenges but to grow and thrive through them. 

Feeling Empowered

Personal empowerment in children involves building their confidence and decision-making skills. 

Support Empowerment by:

1. Teaching Daily Positive Affirmations.
   • I am kind
   • My feelings matter
   • Every day is a fresh start
2. Promoting self-expression through art, clothing, communication, hobbies, etc.
3. Allowing choices in daily matters like clothing choice, snacks, activities, etc.
4. Praising effort and resiliency over focus on the outcome.

Toys that Promote Empowerment:

• Creative art supplies allow children to express themselves freely, make choices about their creations, and see the results of their decisions, bolstering their sense of empowerment.
• Open-ended building sets encourage kids to plan, problem-solve, and create structures from their imagination, helping them understand the impact of their decisions and fostering a sense of accomplishment.
• Role-play costumes and props lets children explore different roles, make choices within those scenarios, and experience a range of outcomes based on their decisions, promoting autonomy and empowerment.

Being Adaptable

Being adaptable involves the ability to adjust to changes effectively.

Support Adaptability by: 

1. Providing diverse experiences and visiting new places.
2. Teaching problem-solving skills by giving children space to use their critical thinking and communication skills to work out a solution on their own.
3. Modeling positive responses to change to provide an example for your child to follow.

Toys That Encourage Adaptability:

• Mixed-media craft kits encourage children to use a variety of materials and instructions to create art, fostering flexibility in thinking and the ability to adapt to using different mediums effectively.
• Strategy board games evolve with each play or have variable outcomes teach kids to adapt their strategies based on new information, promoting cognitive flexibility and decision-making skills.
• Transformable toys can be taken apart and reassembled into different configurations, like modular building sets or transformable robots, encourage kids to think creatively and adapt their plans to the materials at hand.
• Open-ended play sets that don't have a fixed outcome allow children to explore various scenarios and adapt their play based on imagination and experimentation.
• Puzzle games with multiple solutions can be solved in more than one way and teach children that there are multiple approaches to problem-solving, fostering adaptability in thinking and encouraging flexibility in their approach to challenges.

Setting Boundaries

A boundary is a guideline or rule that delineates acceptable behavior and interactions. It helps kids understand and respect personal space, limits, and expectations. 

To support boundary setting:

1. Boundaries go both ways! Teach them to establish and maintain their own boundaries for their time, space, and bodies while reminding them to respect the boundaries of others.
2. Openly communicate and set clear and consistent rules.
3. Encourage them to express their feelings and needs assertively.
4. Lead by example through respecting their boundaries and those of others.

Toys That Support Boundaries:

• Cooperative board games require children to work together under agreed-upon rules, helping them understand and respect mutual boundaries while aiming for a common goal.
• Art supplies and kits with specific instructions teaches children to follow guidelines, respect materials and space, and express themselves within set boundaries.
• Interactive Storybooks that involve making choices or following along with a story teach children that actions have consequences, reinforcing the concept of boundaries by requiring decisions within the story's limits.
• Interactive role-play sets (e.g., play kitchens, doctor's kits): These sets encourage children to engage in social scenarios where they must negotiate, share, and respect each other's roles and spaces, teaching them about personal and social boundaries.
• Puzzles or building blocks:  it encourages them to respect the boundaries of their construction or play area, learning spatial awareness, and the importance of not overstepping into another's project without permission.
• Turn-based games inherently teach waiting one's turn and respecting the flow of the game, which are fundamental aspects of understanding and respecting boundaries in both play and interpersonal interactions.

Taking Accountability

Accountability in children involves understanding the consequences of their actions and taking responsibility for them. 

To encourage accountability:

1. Set clear expectations and consistently apply fair consequences for actions. It’s important to praise and reward real progress for swapping those challenging behaviors for good behaviors!
2. Model accountability when you are wrong so that your kids have a great example of what to do when they mess up!
3. Discuss and model honesty, integrity, reliability, and responsibility. Remember to praise accountable behavior.

Toys That Reinforce Accountability:

• Board games and puzzles encourage children to follow rules, take turns, and deal with the consequences of their choices 
• Building sets require children to plan, execute, and sometimes correct their building strategy, teaching them that their actions directly influence the outcome of their project.
• Role-playing toys enable children to act out various scenarios, helping them understand different perspectives and consequences of actions within a safe, imaginative context.

Being Resilient

Resilience is the ability of a child to bounce back from adversity and adapt to challenges.

To support resilience in kids:

1. Teaching self-care to give their bodies and minds what they need will help them manage the stress they experience in daily life.
2. Changing mindset from negative to positive through healthy coping skills (deep breathing, positive affirmations, reframing, etc).
3. Encourage problem-solving skills by giving your child a chance to explore their own solutions before jumping in and rescuing them.
4. Foster strong emotional connections with family and friends.
5. Model healthy coping strategies during difficult times so that your child has a good example to follow.

Toys that Encourage Resilience:

• Puzzles and problem-solving games challenge children to think critically and persist through trial and error, teaching them that perseverance leads to success and helping to build resilience.
• Outdoor sports equipment and physical activities teach children the importance of practice, patience, and bouncing back from falls or losses, reinforcing physical and emotional resilience.
• Story-based adventure or role-playing games that involve overcoming obstacles or completing quests help children learn to identify with characters who face and overcome challenges, fostering a sense of resilience and determination in their own lives.
• Board games with varying difficulty levelsteach kids to handle setbacks and persist in developing strategies, fostering emotional resilience when they don't win and encouraging them to try again.
• Construction and building toys teach resilience when kids aredesigning, building, and sometimes seeing creations fall apart, they see the importance of persistence, problem-solving, and innovation, which are key components of resilience.

Together, we can nurture these qualities in our children to help them grow into empowered, adaptable, respectful, accountable, and resilient individuals. It starts with us! #StrongKidsStrongFuture

About the Authors:

Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband and fur babies (and Baby Whitley due in May 2024!) Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.

Anji Audley is mom, former teacher, and education consultant that is passionate about the power of play and its transformative ability to enrich education, mental health, and family connection.