Letting Go of “Mom Guilt”

Parenthood…ah, it's a wild ride, isn't it? From the moment those little bundles of joy enter our lives, we're inundated with emotions, responsibilities, and expectations, both from society and from ourselves.

One of the biggest challenges many parents face is the dreaded "mom guilt." You know, that sinking feeling that you're not doing enough, not being enough, not measuring up to some idealized standard of what a parent should be. But here's the thing: mom guilt is a liar. It's time to kick it to the curb and embrace the imperfect, messy, beautiful reality of parenthood.

The Mythical and Mysterious “Perfect Parent”

Let's start by debunking the myth of the perfect parent. Spoiler alert: they don't exist.

Sure, we see those Instagram-perfect families with their coordinated outfits and perfectly staged photos and we ask ourselves, “How can it possibly be so easy?” When you take a look behind the scenes, every parent is struggling in some way. Parenthood is messy. It's chaotic. It's exhausting. And that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay—it's normal.

As parents, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to have all the answers, to never make mistakes, but the truth is, we're human. We're going to mess up. We're going to lose our patience, make bad decisions, and say the wrong thing; that's okay too. Our kids don't need perfect parents, they need real parents—parents who love them unconditionally, who show up for them day in and day out, who are willing to admit when they're wrong and learn from their mistakes.

The Tyranny of Comparison

One of the biggest fuelers of mom guilt is the CONSTANT comparison game.

We look around at other parents and wonder why they seem to have it all together while we're barely keeping our heads above water. But here's the thing: we're only seeing a tiny snapshot of their lives, usually the highlight reel. We don't see the meltdowns, the sleepless nights, the moments of doubt and insecurity. We're comparing our behind-the-scenes with their highlight reel, and it's a recipe for disaster.

Instead of comparing ourselves to other parents, we need to focus on our own journey. We need to give ourselves grace, to recognize that we're doing the best we can with what we have. And we need to remember that every family is different, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and that's a beautiful thing.

Mental Health Struggles for Moms

Mental Health America and SAMHSA estimate that over one-third of mothers experience depression symptoms.

These organizations also acknowledge that mothers can experience significant barriers to treatment, including a lack of awareness of what depression looks like and how to seek help, negative attitudes and misconceptions surrounding depression, and a lack of affordable and appropriate treatment. We must do better for our mommas!! Luckily, more attention is being brought to the importance of helping people manage their depression through systems like counseling and community support. 

The Power of Support

One of the most important tools in combatting mom guilt is having a strong support system in place.

Parenting is not meant to be done in isolation. We need other parents to lean on, to commiserate with, to share our triumphs and our struggles (remember that post we wrote about having a village?). Whether it's a spouse, a friend, a family member, or a support group, having someone to turn to when the going gets tough can make all the difference.

But support doesn't just mean having someone to vent to (although that's important too). It also means having people who can step in and help when we need it. Maybe it's taking the kids for a few hours so you can have some much-needed alone time. Maybe it's bringing over a meal when you're too exhausted to cook. Maybe it's just offering a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Whatever form it takes, having support is essential for maintaining our sanity and our sense of self in the midst of parenthood's chaos.

Letting Go and Moving Forward

So how do we let go of mom guilt and embrace the imperfect, beautiful messiness of parenthood?

It starts with acknowledging that we're doing the best we can with what we have. It means giving ourselves permission to be imperfect, to make mistakes, to not have all the answers. It means focusing on the moments of joy and connection rather than getting bogged down by the inevitable challenges and setbacks.

It also means being kind to ourselves, practicing self-compassion, and recognizing that we deserve love and care just as much as our children do. It means carving out time for ourselves, pursuing our passions and interests, and prioritizing self-care in whatever form it takes. And it means surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up, who support us, who remind us that we're doing an amazing job even when we feel like we're failing.

In the end, mom guilt is just another form of self-doubt, another voice telling us that we're not good enough. But we are good enough. We are more than good enough. We are strong, resilient, capable parents, doing the hardest and most important job in the world. So let's let go of the guilt, embrace the support, and celebrate the messy, beautiful journey of parenthood.

Check out our For Moms Collection for some fun and stress reducing items in our Stress Relief Collection to treat yourself or a mom that you love!

P.S. Check out the tips listed below for letting go of that mom guilt!

1. Practice Self-Compassion:Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes, and that you're doing the best you can in the circumstances.
2. Set Realistic Expectations:Recognize that perfection is unattainable and that it's okay to lower the bar sometimes. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family, and don't be too hard on yourself when things don't go according to plan.
3. Focus on the Positive:Instead of dwelling on your perceived shortcomings, focus on the things you're doing well as a parent. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and remind yourself of all the love and care you're providing to your children.
4. Practice Mindfulness:Stay present in the moment and try not to let worries about the past or future consume you. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or simply taking a moment to notice the sights and sounds around you can help calm your mind and reduce feelings of guilt.
5. Seek Support:Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. By talking to a friend, joining a parenting support group, or seeking professional counseling, you can create a massive support system to provide validation, perspective, and reassurance.
6. Remember Your Why:Reflect on the reasons whyyou chose to become a parent in the first place. Whether it's the joy of watching your children grow and learn, the deep bond you share with them, or the opportunity to shape the next generation, reconnecting with your underlying motivations can help put things into perspective and alleviate feelings of guilt.
7. Take Care of Yourself:Remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize self-care activities that replenishyour energy and nourish your soul, like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies and interests outside of parenting.
8. Let Go of Comparisons:Resist the urge to compare yourself to other parents or to idealized images of parenthood. Remember that every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Focus on what's best for your own family and trust your instincts as a parent.

 About the Author:

Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband and fur babies (and Baby Whitley due in May 2024!) Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.

References

Aguilar-Gaxiola, S., Beardslee, W. R., Chapa, T., Cooper, J. L., Domitrovich, C., & Dozier, M. (2008). Making a Difference Through Community Action: A Planning Guide. Maternal Depression. https://www.mhanational.org/sites/default/files/maternal_depression_guide.pdf